School Year Behavior Contracts and Why to Use Them

I'm sharing two behavior contracts today to show you a way to simplify house rules, help ensure short term goal reaching and maintain a positive atmosphere at home.  

Do you ever feel like you're repeating yourself to your kids over and over and over and STILL they don't change their behavior?

Yeah, me too.

Sometimes conversations I have with my children LOOK like they're working, then a week or 5 later, everyone's back to the same patterns (or patt-rens as my 5 year old says) and I'm annoyed that no one LISTENS TO ME!  

Then we might have an ugly scene where, instead of addressing the behavior that's unacceptable, I'm addressing the fact that NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!  And I still don't resolve the problem.

Insert a behavior contract.  

Yes, I used to be an attorney.  Old habits die hard.

Even though I did fail Contracts I my first sememster, so really, if my professor knew I'd used behavior contracts with my kids he'd probably say, "Are you sure you included consideration?"  

Which sometimes I don't!  But shhhhhh, don't tell my kids that.  They think this thing's binding as Denture adhesive. 

I only reserve behavior contracts for really important things.  

Like the years when one of my children couldn't attend a birthday party EVER without crying during it.  I understood why, but we had to stop it.  

And this year?  We have two behavior hot spots in our house requiring a contract.  

Volleyball and technology.

Volleyball needs a contract because the child participating isn't a real ball-handling kind of girl.  She enters into this type of sport because she wants to be with her friends and/or she gets talked into it by her friends.  

Notice what I didn't say there?  Nothing about skill building, trying your hardest, being on a team or good sportsmanship.  

All things that are part of ball-handling sports team membership.  

Here is the contract for volleyball: 

 

Notice that the majority of this contract consists of emotional do's and don'ts

 

 What isn't showing on the volleyball contract is her incentive.  If she exceeds this contract, she can earn extra technology.  If she meets it, she will maintain her weekly technology allowances (see below).  If she falls below the contract requirements, she will lose technology.  If the coach calls me?  Katie bar the door - she's in deep do-do.

Technology Contract

I've gone years without having a technology contract.  But my 10 year old bought her own iPad and my 5 year old all of a sudden wants on the computer all the time.  And?  Our schedule this Fall, not including homework, is horrendous.  

Truthfully, there is no time for technology.  And there sure as heck is no time for technology battles.

So, Mom got mean this year:

 

Click to enlarge. The majority of this contract came from an article in Family Circle from Rosalind Wiseman. She said we could use hers and adapt from it, which is what I've done.

Do you see there where I'M giving up technology (mostly) too?  I almost didn't do that.  But then I thought "if they can do it, I can do it" and truthfully - the maddest I get at them is when they need my help and I've decided to check something "just for a minute" and feel "interrupted" by them.  

I figured it wouldn't be very fair to them to ban technology so we have more time and then have me sneaking on it all afternoon and evening.  

Also, notice how much time they get on weekends.  That's a lot, as far as I'm concerned.

Which raises the question, how much time do you let your kids use technology (defined here as any screen time)?

In my Fall newsletter, I'll update you on how we're doing.  In the meantime, in what areas do you think you'd need a behavior contract?

 

 

 

Comments

[Jennifer]

I LOVE this idea. I like that it lays out the guidelines and consequences. Very, very smart.

[Marie]

This is great. I'm going to store it in my "helpful tips for later" file in my head. :)

[Jester Queen]

Most days they get an hour of something. My daughter would cheerfully vegetate all day. My son gets bored after fifteen minutes. Oh for children who had a prayer of adhering to a contract, though.

[Mary @ A Teachable Mom]

Genius! And you are so brave to include yourself in the contract (that's what I love most about it). It really shows your children you're in this together. But jeez, so hard to do! I will do something similar - thank you for the great idea!

[ilene]

I must, MUST do a contract with my eight year old who is on competition cheer. It's a huge commitment not only for her but for me - and I'm not sure she's there for the right reasons, either, yet in the meantime, I am a "cheer hostage." Great idea!

[Jen {at} take2mommy]

Wow - too funny - we have the exact same tech rule here. My kids get to use their gadgets Fri., Sat. and Sun. for 2 hour per day. Nothing on the other days, unless computer is needed for schoolwork. I don't have it in writing though. I like the idea of a written, signed contract!

[Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell]

My kids were allowed one hour per day on school nights, but they didn't fight it because it started when they were so young.

[Sue]

I'm in the hour-a-day camp as well on school nights.

ps - Love your contract idea and am interested in hearing how it pans out!

[Jess]

Love the ideas of a contract written and available for all to see. I think consistency is key and this will keep things very consistent. I also love the rewarding for the volley ball contract so she has consequences good and bad for her actions.
I also hated Contract Law during Uni, worst class ever!

[Single Mom in the South]

What a great idea! I may be stealing these as both mom and teacher! I have some for my classroom, but am always looking for better ones!

As far as technology, none during the week unless its required for an assignment. I really don't keep track on weekends. They watch TBV or play the Wii/DS/Ipod touch on Saturday mornings and on and off throughout the rest of the weekend depending on our plans and how much school work Mama has to do!

[angela]

This is a great idea, though I would have to simplify for my kids. I shall talk it over with the DH this weekend to see what 3 or 4 things we can agree to focus on ;)

[marie]

Whatever works I say go for it. I am not a fan of technology (probably explains why I've never had a cell phone, but I love blogging, go figure) and I agree with you that our kids really don't have time for it. When my kids come home they have about 30 min. free time before we start homework, but it's playtime, not tech time. We don't have cable but we do have a DVD so on the weekends we always rent a movie. During the summer we watched season 1 of Little House on the Prarie and my kids fell in love with that show as did I (all over again).

My kids are all(!!!) already doing homework on the computer. I think it's great. I am a tree hugger so anything that saves paper I am for. I hope in a few years all kids have ipads instead of textbooks. The weight of backpacks is getting out of control.

[Margaret]

Missy, these are *awesome*! I am going to share this post, because this is just genius.

And the emotional stuff? I have a girl like your older one and we try to establish certain ground rules for things like this. But not yet in writing. That's just perfect.

[Heather]

Great Idea! I have a 12,10, and 6 year old so there are so many contracts I could cook up!

We don't have any specific guidelines for technology right now, but that is mostly because my children are so busy this fall with sports. There literally isn't enough time for it. Even on the weekends we are incredibly busy. The general rule is if it is nice enough to be outside everything is off. Not sure what we will say in the winter!

[ColdBlooded]

This is very interesting. I am eager to hear how it goes.

[Paula @ Simply Sandwich]

Brilliant Missy! I love this idea! Can't wait to hear how it turns out.

My son is not allowed "screen time" until all homework is completed and chores are done. By the time we finish eating, it only gives him a short window in the evening.

[Rach (DonutsMama)]

You're very smart. This is a great idea. Think Donut is too young to understand a "No Whining" contract???