Now What?

Now what?

Now what.

Now.  What?

This is the prompt for Just Be Enough's monthly link up and I'm stumped as I look at all the varying ways to say "now what." 

Rolling them around in my mind, tasting them, trying to see which one fits for where I am today.

Now what?  I suppose it's a perfect question for me.

For I am in flux, trapped in a gray area of wishing summer were still here and trying (it seems unsuccessfully) to slide into a Fall routine that's satisfying.

I'm DOING stuff.  A lot of stuff.  But I'm unsatisfied.  I'm going through the motions, getting enjoyment from some things, but wanting more (and more and more) fulfillment from others.  

I'm lonely.  I unexpectedly cried talking to a friend today about how I missed summer.  And I miss the girls.

The endless "moms" I sometimes not very patiently answered all summer long are just echoes and memories now, all day long.  

Then I pick them up, so happy to see them and as they pour their days of trials and tribulations into me, I don't want that either.  It's so much, going from nothing all day to everything in an instant.

I'd prefer the slow trickle of daily emotions we had in the summer.  Watching their slow build to the end of the day, instead of being bombarded by it. 

And though I miss them and though it's lonely, the days fly by, filled with what feels like unimportant details.

Trouble is, I'm not sure what I think is important right now.  

Now what?

Is a question I'm asking myself daily.  

Will the answer come?  Yes, certainly.  

I just have to have faith.  And patience.  And remember that sometimes when I feel like I'm not getting an answer, maybe that in itself is an answer I need to pay attention to.  

Comments

[Ilene, The Fierce Diva Guide to Life]

"Now what?" is the perfect writing prompt for me these days!
But I do so very much identify with missing the slow trickle of emotions and parenting from summer versus the intense after school bombardment I am now experiencing!

I'm listening for what's next - if I hear anything that may pertain to you, I'll let you know!

[angela]

I can absolutely see that . . . missing the slowness of the interaction that happens in the summer, when you have more time with them. I've never thought of it like that exactly. I wonder if that's how my husband feels at the end of the day. Good luck finding your "next" Missy :)

[The Orange Rhino]

Wow. This is perfectly timed. Just last night I too cried unexpectedly to my husband because I feel I am doing things and finding pleasure, but not enough. I felt so alone last night and now I feel a little less alone thanks to reading this and knowing I am not the only one feeling this. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us!

[Kate F.]

Adjusting to any change is SO hard. This year's adjustment has gone smother than the previous years for me, but it is STILL an adjustment. Life seems to be just one. big. adjustment. Don't you think?

Now. What. (I think I like it written that way the best) ;)

[Single Mom in the South]

I ask myself this a lot lately too... work is NOT going smoothly this fall... not the students but the bureaucratic stuff and I find myself asking, "Now what?"

[Robin Farr]

Love that last line.

I think a lot of people struggle with this in September. Makes total sense. I hope you find your happy balance soon!

[marie]

Isn't it interesting that when you have young children you think if only you could have them out of your hair you could get so much accomplished.......... then when they ARE out of your hair you truly realize there is nothing more worthwhile than raising those precious kids. No matter how big a mess the house is :)

[Jester Queen]

I can see a couple of possibilities in the empty space of now. And NEITHER of them is "volunteer more". Instead, I'd say that maybe you and your husband could take two weekends a month and each of you do something special with one of the girls and swap on the alternate weekend. That might make something really awesome bondinglike happen. And you might start getting where you want to be with your writing.

[Christine @ Love, Life, Surf]

I too love the last part of your post. September has been HARD! All of a sudden going 150 mph and back to school and work. But I've been feeling the "Now What?" question a lot deeper too. I've been feeling unsettled lately and want to have answers in front of me now. I hadn't really thought about no answer being an answer.

[Betsy/Zen Mama]

I'd love to have some moments to think, "Now What?" I'm filling up every day with work, family and Zen Mama stuff. I think part of busyness is my way of thinking. I need to change the way I think. So I guess my "Now What" would be now I need to slow down and enjoy each day. Thanks for making me think!

[Sue]

Oh, yes. I've been feeling this, too. I'm slow to transition and to appreciate the good that comes with the change of pace. It will come. In time. For me AND for you.

[Tracie]

"Trouble is, I'm not sure what I think is important right now." I've been thinking a lot about this recently. And I'm not sure I have the answer either.

But it is the kind of question that is worth taking time to figure out.

[Susi]

Missy, I have often caught myself thinking along the same lines lately. I've never been one of those moms that couldn't wait for summer to end and the kids to go back to school. And I have had days lately where I look around me and wonder "Now What?"... maybe it's the time of year! :)

[Jackie]

I often ponder what is important and what isn't... and think now what too. But I'm work all day and wonder what I'm missing by being here. I wonder what if I worked part time. I wonder what if I didn't work. I wonder if when I'm finally home and all my kids are in school I'll be the one sitting there thinking... now what.