The Darker Side of Blogging - 4 Things to Watch For

Today I'm bringing you another different kind of clean up your act.  A little blogging advice on "clean" blogging.  Or "non-clean" blogging, as it may be.  

And since I'm not at BlogHer this weekend (I'm not the only one.  Right?  RIGHT?), I thought I'd entertain those of you not at BlogHer with some blogging advice.  Because what the heck?  We may not be there, but we can still learn something, can't we?

So I present:

By and large, the blogging community is wonderfully supportive, collaborative and engaging. I have learned so much and met so many people I consider true friends.  My life is richer and more rewarding from it.  

But situations arise from time to time that aren't as fun.  And can make you feel bad.  

Keeping up with the Bloggess.  If you are not Dooce or the Bloggess, Pioneer Woman or the Huffington Post, you will always be smaller than other bloggers.  People have said this before, it's nothing new.  But my point today is this - don't let it bring you down.  Don't focus on what you DON'T have, focus on what you DO.  Your readers will feel that appreciation and you will be much more grateful for your own personal space and how you use your gifts within that space.  

And for those of us who aren't at BlogHer, this is especially important.  Yep, we may indeed be missing out on some great connections and opportunities.  But that doesn't make us less qualified bloggers.

The Mis-construed comment.  Occasionally I will make a comment on someone's blog that I mean to be very positive and uplifting and I find later that my comment was mis-construed or that I even missed the point of the post, based on the comment I get back from my comment.  

It happens, especially when you're trying to rush through a few comments while the kids have gotten too  quiet in the living room and you know you need to go find out what they're up to how their homework is going.  

If you do make a comment that's mis-contrued, either let it go and make up for it with a better comment the next time, or email the person directly and apologize.  They will probably appreciate your email and you might strengthen a relationship.

Plagiarism.  I won't spend a lot of time on this.  Everyone should knows it, right?  Just don't steal content.  Sometimes it can be a fine line in that there are patterns, or cycles in blogging, even formulas for certain things.  Like link ups, for example.  Many bloggers offer a prize when they do link ups.  Many bloggers do blog hops.  Many bloggers will write about the spirit of Christmas in December, the endlessness of summer in the summer, and the emotions involved in back to school time in September.  And that's ok!

Some overlap is natural in blogging - we all have great ideas all the time!  And the blogosphere is huge.  I can't tell you how many times I'll write a post, schedule it for publishing and then see a similar post written by someone else in the same time frame.  

Does that mean I should pull my planned post because someone else thinks like me?  I don't think so.  But stealing content word for word?  Not ok.  At all.

It's Not Fair, I Won't Share.  Many bloggers you approach for help are more than willing to share their time, give advice, lend their name to assist you, tweet something, offer you a guest post.  And that's so great - especially to a new blogger who doesn't really know what's going on yet.  

But some are not.  Some bloggers don't subscribe to the philosophy that "a rising tide lifts all boats" and want to keep the opportunities only for themselves.  To a certain extent, this is understandable.  So many of us have goals for our blogs or want to use it as a platform to something bigger.  And sometimes it feels like helping others will actually limit our own success.  

But in the blogging world, I think the opposite's true.  I truly believe the more people you are willing to help, the more it will help you.  

Blogging can be and is such a wonderful world.  The 4 areas above are just a few things to be aware of - especially as you are around longer and longer.  

So, your turn.  Anything you'd add to this list?  Anything you disagree with?

 

 

Comments

[Kathy at kissing the frog]

This is a great post! And you said some things I needed to hear (like I'm not the only one not going to BlogHer for one!). I really can appreciate your first point about someone always being bigger than you. Sometimes I feel bummed that my blog is not growing as fast as I'd like, especially as I watch other blogs grow before my eyes. But, when I receive a comment or a message on Facebook about how a certain post touched someone or made them feel understood, I know I have done what I set out to do.

[Adrienne]

Always a good read here, Missy! I loved this post. #1 especially. Oh to be Dooce or The Bloggess, right? But, I like me too. Good job!

[Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes]

Oh thank God I’m not the only one ! One day, my friend, one day…
My advice: do not ignor the commenters who are not bloggers.
Let me explain: before I was a blogger I was a commenter. Over time I noticed that some bloggers would steadfastly ignore the people who commented but did not have blog. They replied to every comment as long as it was from a fellow blogger, sometimes just with a 'LOL' or a smiley face, but not to those from non-bloggers.
Needless to say I found this rude and stopped following those bloggers.

[stefenie]

This is a great post! Thanks for sharing! I totally agree with all the points you made.

[Ilene, The Fierce Diva Guide to Life]

As always, you nailed it. I occasionally get a person who takes the voice of what I am saying differently than how I meant it, but I guess that is the risk of the written word - since the tone is open for interpretation.

Re: The Bloggess and the other superstars (who I love and respect like hell) I read a great post on ZenHabits, the blog of Leo Babuta (sp?) advising against the "keeping up" mindset with other bloggers. He said not to let page views or lack thereof influence you. Just speak your truth and trust that there is an audience for your truth. That wisdom has helped me get over "audience anxiety."

I'm not at BlogHer either. That makes 2 of us!

[Kate F. (@katefineske)]

I love that you said not to compare yourself with other blogs (and especially with bigger blogs). As soon as I let this go, blogging got so much more fun. :)

The more heart you put into things the better. My advice in blogging is to not force your words and posts - yet still make yourself blog with consistency... I know! Contradictory phraseas. BUT, you have to keep writing/blogging to make yourself a better blogger - however the trick is to force yourself to write on things that have meaning to you. At least that is what works for me!

[Katie E]

This is such great advice, Missy! I really appreciate it. Sometimes we need these reminders. I want blogging to be fun, and I've enjoyed the social interaction with others. But heading down the dark path makes it not so fun. The only other thing I would add, from my very limited experience, is to be careful about letting blogging take too much time from your family!

[Krista]

Good list. I would add that there's an ebb and flow to your blogging energy too. Sometimes the words flow fast and free and other times you feel... quiet. Either life gets busy, overwhelming, boring, whatever, but if you beat yourself up or if you post stuff just for the sake of posting it, you won't feel good about what you're writing. The same goes for commenting and Twitter and everything else. Sometimes you just need a break from the internet. Take it. It'll be there when you get back, you just may have to find your way back in.

[Marta]

Great post. And yes, I completely agree that it seems live EVERYONE is at BlogHer.

It's challenging feeling like you can't keep up with everyone all the time. But I think setting your own pace and doing what's best for you is the only thing you can do. I try to write two posts a week and sometimes that doesn't happen. I can't keep up with people who write much more often than me. Sometimes I don't have time to respond to my comments right away, or visit commenter's blogs or even keep up with my RSS feed. But its just accepting your priorities and blogging is something I like to do but I can't give it all my time.

[Wombat Central]

Great post, Missy. I think helping each other is the way to go.

You're not the only one not at BlogHer! Have you ever gone? Maybe next time it comes to NY I'll go. I hope to meet you one day and some of the other bloggers I follow. And I'll admit--I'd be surfing bathrooms looking for The Bloggess, too! ;)

[Christine @ Love, Life, Surf]

Definitely not the only one not at BlogHer but I'm pretending that I'm there since, you know, it's in NYC. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say here. For me, along the lines of don't compare yourself is don't try to keep up or do things just because someone else is. If someone's posting multiple times a day or even every day, I know that I can't keep up with that or I'd just be spewing uninteresting dribble. You have to find what works for you and blog when you have something you want to say or share, not because you feel like you should.

[Missy @ Wonder, Friend]

Great advice, Missy. Funny how such a fun hobby can turn ugly - or be perceived as ugly - so quickly. It's tricky to navigate the blogosphere sometimes, I think, because even though we get to know people well, we still can't see or hear them (with the exception of occasional vlogs, of course). So without the benefit of facial expressions and tone of voice, we have to be extra careful to make our meanings as clear as possible.

By the way, I'm not at BlogHer either. Whaaaaa. Maybe next year!

PS - I've been a lame commenter, but have enjoyed your Old Fashioned Summer posts. Nice work.

[Jester Queen]

That's a great list. I think staying humble is also pretty important. Not all negative comments are from trollers, and not every positive comment means you're the next great-hot thing. (You do an awesome job here at said things by the way! Those are just my additions to the list.)

[Theanecdotalbaby.blogspot.com]

Ah, you ARE NOT the only one not at BlogHer. Great post, thanks Missy!

[Farrah]

Great post!!! One thing that I would add would be that when there is something going on- something big- it's probably a good idea to wait and gather all of the information you possibly can on it, rather than just push out a post as quickly as possible. Specifically I saw this a few months ago with a topic- and the story had barely hit the news when seemingly everyone was an authority. Anyhow. That's just my .02 cents. I like it when the blogs I read are well thought out posts- not just those eager to grab 'I posted it first' dibs.

[Kim]

Thanks for the always welcome reminder not to compare. I just can't hear it enough.
Glad to hear there are quite a few others who aren't in NYC either. ;-)

This is a great list, with wonderful additions in the comments. I would add to be kind to folks when you respond. You may not agree with them, but it doesn't mean you need to be disrespectful. (Of course, if you have nasty trolls, just delete the comments.) This world is a very, very small place. While you may have the urge to put someone in their place right this second, it could come back to bite you later.

[Amanda]

Blogging is similar to life as in "keeping up with the Jones's" is not an ideal way to function and rarely gets you ahead. I so appreciate that you recognize this here!

I have always loved the support you show to other bloggers and do feel that is what makes each of us successful in our own right. We are part of a community no matter how big or small we are individually.

Thanks for your wise words as usual ;)

[Sheri]

Great post Missy. I agree with Amanda, we're all part of a community.

[Sue]

First, I love the reinforcement that there are others who aren't at BlogHer this weekend. I doubt I'll ever go to a conference. Which is just the way that I like it.

That brings me to my second point, which is actually your first point. I am NOT The Bloggess. And that's ok by me. Blogging is a hobby for me...a creative outlet. Nothing more. Keeping this perspective really helps with the blog envy thing.

[John]

I haven't been blogging all that long, but I've seen a bit of everything, good and bad, in the blogging world. My mission is to write as well as I can, help where it's not too difficult to give what's asked for, and feed the relationships that develop.

Everything else sorts itself out

[Liz @ShiftlessMommie]

I needed to see this today because I've been feeling very discouraged about many things (lack of blog traffic included). I completely agree that it isn't productive to compare to more established bloggers. I don't even know that my goal is to be an accomplished blogger, but when I see those numbers, I lose track of the goal.

I feel like I am so terrified of making a mis-construed comment that I over explain and end up looking crazy. I tend to be forgiving of comments on my own blog. If I think someone really didn't like it, I ask for clarification. I recently saw on Facebook that one of my posts received a "negative" treatment...with no additional information. It is killing me. It was about cupcakes. Who is negative about cupcakes? Could drive me mad. Maybe that's a rule. Don't stress about negative comments.

[The Monko]

really good list. I totally agree with all four. One I might add is Beware the perceived clique. As a new blogger I would see things like Buttons that turned up on loads of blogs and I was always too shy to ask what they were and how I could join in the fun. Thankfully I was invited to join Kids Blogger Network and now I understand what all the buttons were about and that if I'd only asked I could have made some really good bloggy friends so much earlier.

[Paula @ Simply Sandwich]

Brillant Missy and this post is so needed in the blogosphere!

It is really hard as the little gal not to feel discouraged. We all pour our hearts and souls into our blogs and for me, the response is usually "cricket ....cricket..."

Thank you for the bloggy encouragement today! Have a great weekend! (Hugs!)

[Cathy]

Hi Missy,

It would be fun to be at BlogHer. It sounds like a wonderful gathering. Great tips on blogging with this post. I agree with all your points. It is important to respect each other's content. Most people that I have come across are very supportive. It brings everyone up, I believe, to be open to helping each other. Blogging is such an individual activity, it is nice to know you have "friends" online.

[Mary @ A Teachable Mom]

Great list, Missy! And I'm not at BlogHer either (happy I'm in such good company). I appreciate the reminder to not let comparison run or ruin my blogging experience. As someone who can get lost in the anxiety of keeping up (or trying to) instead of doing my thing and trusting, I need all the reminders I can get. Enjoy your weekend!