A Love Letter (of sorts) to My Parents

Are you parents alive?

Do you take them for granted?

Do you think your kids take you for granted?

I think the very nature of the parent/child relationship has the child taking the parent for granted. 

Even when a child is thankful for what a parent does for them, the child still takes the parent for granted.

Until that parent is gone.

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My parents are both alive.

But I take them for granted.  I may be an adult, but I'm very much a child in my view that "my parents are always going to be here for me," so I take them for granted. 

Except I have to stop that.  

I got a glimpse a couple of nights ago of why I shouldn't take my parents for granted.  I got a glimpse of what life will be like when they're gone.

And I need to try, MY DAMNEDEST, not to take them for granted while I still have them.

I know that so many of you out there no longer have your parents or you don't have the relationship with your parents that you wish you did. 

And I get it.  Sometimes it's hard to be an adult and still be someone's child.  After an argument with my mother, I confessed once to my priest about that - "how do I continue to respect my parents when they treat me like a child?"

And I thought I'd get sympathy and understanding.  Instead I got this:

"No matter how old you become, you will always be their little girl.  And they deserve your respect.  Even when it's hard." 

And I tucked that little thought away, because I wasn't ready for it at the time. 

But today?

I'm ready for it.  

My parents aren't perfect.  No parent is.  Lord KNOWS I've learned that myself in the last decade of parenting.  We are all human beings, with flaws and baggage that we bring to the parenting table.  

And most of us are just slogging through it in our imperfect imperfection, trying to do the best we can.  And most of our parents were doing the exact same thing when they raised us.

My parents won't be here forever.  And from now until the end, they deserve my respect, my attention and my appreciation every single time I talk to them.  

Because one day, I'm going to pick up the phone to tell them something about my day, and they're not going to be on the other end.  And I'll have picked up the phone because I've forgotten, even for a moment, that I don't have them anymore. 

And I'll bet I'll regret every moment I took them for granted then.

Comments

[Robbie]

This post came at the perfect time. my parents left yday after visiting us for a week. every time we say goodbye I'm afraid it will be the last.

[Amy @ Counting My Kisses]

Beautiful! Love every word~ such a heartfelt post, thank you for sharing!

[Kristen]

I am sooo close to my parents and so are my girls. We my argue now and then but I always find ways to let them know how much I appreciate everything they do for us. It is so important because we are the lucky ones...we still have our parents and they still care enough to treat us as their child. Great post, Missy!!

[Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes]

My parents used to -and still do - drive me crazy with their remarks, bickering,... enfin just by being my parents. But last year I nearly lost my father to cancer. I can garantuee you that that changed everything!

[Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell]

My dad was taken from us in an instant with a fall in his garage, so I never had the chance to say goodbye. It can change in a blink so enjoy them while you have them!

[Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.]

I'm so glad you recognize this now and shared this revelation! My parents are both gone. I have a huge hole in my heart that can never be filled. xoxo

[Jester Queen]

What happened? It sounds like one of them had a seriously near brush, and I'm so very glad to know you get the chance to not take them for granted.

[angela]

This is so true, and I need to remember it. My parents tend to revert to parenting, no matter how old I get. And I know I will miss it one day, even though it can be frustrating now.

[Kathy at kissing the frog]

I'm so glad you posted this. My parents have always done a ton for me and treated me with nothing but respect. I took them for granted big time until I was in my twenties. Now that I'm a parent, I appreciate them and everything they did for us a millionfold! They are late 60's/early 70's, so I fear the day I will be without them. I talk to them all the time and we travel together a lot. Thanks for this great reminder!

[julie gardner]

I've been thinking about this topic (although not JUST with my parents) for a while now.

Both mine are alive; in fact, I still have two grandparents alive and I'm 43...

So yes. Very lucky. And also aware that I won't have them forever.

Thanks for the reminder to never ever take this love for granted.

[Mary @ A Teachable Mom]

A wonderful reminder. Thank you. And I think you're pretty amazing - I hope your parents don't take you for granted either!

[Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom]

My parents are both living and I know I don't tell them how appreciated they are. And I always make myself feel guilt much more than I should so I know when they do pass, I'll feel so many regrets. Legitimate and not. This is a great reminder.

[TheBookWormMama]

Great reminder to show people you love them while you still can. I have a few phone calls to make.

[Sue]

One's around. One hasn't been since I was 16. Even with that perspective, I still have to tell myself to show my appreciation and love for him. Thanks for the additional reminder. :)

[Hiten]

Hi Missy,

I found out about you from my friend Betsy Henry, so I thought I would check out your blog.

I really enjoyed your post. It was different and important as well. I liked how you reminded us of the importance of our parents and learning to not take them for granted. I do too, so this was a good message for me.

[Trish]

Ah, Missy. This is just beautiful. I lost my mom almost 11 years ago. We were very close. Although I did take her for granted and didn't fully appreciate her. She died before I had children. I miss her everyday and for many reasons. But I really wish she were here so I could tell her sorry and thanks. I take some comfort in knowing that she knew I would realize just how much she loved me and sacrificed for me when I had my own children.

[Meredith]

I think it's wonderful that you have this awareness and this attitude. It's perfect, and it's real. My mom died 5 mo. ago, so I can really appreciate this.

[The Orange Rhino]

Yes, I most certainly take my parents for granted. It makes me sad and uncomfortable which is why I had a hard time getting past your first four lines of this post. When I finally did, appreciated every word you wrote. Perfect timing since my mom is visiting right now and I am finding myself frustrated. I will remember this post when I want to yell at her....

[Rach (DonutsMama)]

Very wise words, Missy. I didn't get it until I became a mom myself and now I understand a little better how parents always see their children as their little babies. It's not to be mean and that took me a long time to learn.

[Rachel]

Honestly, I had never really thought about it, until recently. It's definitely something that I need to work on!

[Jessica@Team Rasler]

I think what I need to especially remember is that my in-laws are parents, too, and I should treat them with as much respect as I can muster. They did raise three boys between them, and that is certainly something. It's tough sometimes, though, when they do crazy sh$t that makes me nuts, but I'm working on it.

[ilene]

This is a beautiful and real love letter. And you are so right in that none of us are perfect and we are all trying the best we can. Sometimes, I am too "hard" on my mom and this is a great reminder that I need to "lighten up." Thank you for it!

[Betsy/Zen Mama]

What a beautifully written post... one that brought tears to my eyes. My parents have recently moved to town. Now that I see them more often, I also see how they've aged. At first it was scary because they always care for me not the other way around. Now I've come to terms with that. Sometimes it's strange how we feel about our parents. It makes me wonder what my older teenage children might be feeling about me!

[Galit Breen]

Beautiful, beautiful ode to your parents, and an excellent (and humbling) reminder to appreciate and be grateful every.single.day.