Now what?
Now what.
Now. What?
This is the prompt for Just Be Enough's monthly link up and I'm stumped as I look at all the varying ways to say "now what."
Rolling them around in my mind, tasting them, trying to see which one fits for where I am today.
Now what? I suppose it's a perfect question for me.
For I am in flux, trapped in a gray area of wishing summer were still here and trying (it seems unsuccessfully) to slide into a Fall routine that's satisfying.
I'm DOING stuff. A lot of stuff. But I'm unsatisfied. I'm going through the motions, getting enjoyment from some things, but wanting more (and more and more) fulfillment from others.
I'm lonely. I unexpectedly cried talking to a friend today about how I missed summer. And I miss the girls.
The endless "moms" I sometimes not very patiently answered all summer long are just echoes and memories now, all day long.
Then I pick them up, so happy to see them and as they pour their days of trials and tribulations into me, I don't want that either. It's so much, going from nothing all day to everything in an instant.
I'd prefer the slow trickle of daily emotions we had in the summer. Watching their slow build to the end of the day, instead of being bombarded by it.
And though I miss them and though it's lonely, the days fly by, filled with what feels like unimportant details.
Trouble is, I'm not sure what I think is important right now.
Now what?
Is a question I'm asking myself daily.
Will the answer come? Yes, certainly.
I just have to have faith. And patience. And remember that sometimes when I feel like I'm not getting an answer, maybe that in itself is an answer I need to pay attention to.
I know I wrote on Monday that I wasn't going to talk about my tween and her tweendom.
So this might seem contradictory. Sorry about that.
I'm going to strive not to talk about the personal "stuff" a tween (and her beleagured mother) goes through.
This? Is too good to pass up.
I read in a book (can't remember which one), that if a mother ever doubts she's the #1 person in her tween/teen/early adult child's life, you need only watch Spring Break clips.
What is practically every child yelling into the camera?
It's true, isn't it? Almost every clip I see of older kids reveling in their freedoms, more than one always yells out a "hi mom!"
And that happened this summer in our house too.
MY tween was cast in a Summer play with Columbus Children's Theatre and had to write her own bio for the program.
We decided to write it at the pool one day. She brainstormed from the list of what's important to include:
Name
Part
Age
Grade/school
Prior Experience
Thank yous
Interests and hobbies
When we arrived at the "thank you" part, I said, "do you want to say 'thanks to my friends and family?"
Her response?
"No, I want to say 'thanks to my family, especially my mom, for their support."
Uh, wow.
Knock me down with a feather.
I said, probably in a pathetic display of neediness and I'm sure I had my super squeaky, shocked voice going on, "Really? What makes you say it that way?"
And she said, "Well, you have been taking me back and forth to the practices all summer long. I figure an extra thank you's needed for that."
(And yes, I counted. By the end of her experience I'd shuttled her back and forth 92 times.)
I may have cried. At the pool.
Kids - there's nothing in the world harder than raising them.
But you get moments, these brilliant, shining moments of love that makes everything, EVERYTHING about it worthwhile.
Happy weekend. Hug your kids. Even if they're old enough to bristle and pretend they don't want it. They do.
Sometimes the time for a story comes and you're afraid to write it.
Sperk asked me to write for Wednesday's Woman a long time ago. And when she reminded me that it was today, I had a bit of a panic attack.
See, I can write about moments. I can give you kid vignettes. I can hide behind humor and tongue in cheek posts, like I did last week.
What I normally don't give you is information about my past.
And today I'm writing about someone else's past.
My Mother.
I'd love for you to come read the rest. Head over to Sperk's site to do so. And Sperk (real name Kimberly)? Not only are we neighbors whose kids have attended the same school, but she's amazing. Did you know she was a BlogHer Voice of the Year? How cool is that? For writing an awesome piece about Dan Patrick.
So come visit, would you? And say hi to Sperk while you're there!
Thinking parents are better parents. And hope is the best emotion of all.
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