Literal Mom

Random Friday Fun and Games

The lovely Kristin, at What She Said, has been doing a Friday Tapas post for the last few weeks.  

It's both informative and amusing.  I therefore love it.

I asked her if I could copy!  She copied me! do something similar on my blog today and she said "sure!"  

She's so nice that way.

So enjoy - today's Friday Random Fun:

• Are you sitting at home like me, wondering what the Blissdom women are doing?  Wishing you were there?  Wanting to run SQUEE-ING down the hall for the first time in your life?  No?  Me neither - I'm totally happy maintaining my non-squeeing dignity.  Totally.  Happy.  (Sniff, sniff.  SOB!)
• I'm having a jewelry party tonight.  Why?  I don't know.  I don't even like jewelry.  Oh, wait.  I know why.  2 reasons - I love a good party (Red Bull and Vodka, anyone?).   I CAN'T SAY NO.  (The person who asked me is nice). Anybody need me to clean up the dog poop from your backyard?  If you ask me nicely, I'm sure I won't be able to say no to THAT either!

photo credit

• February?  Has sucked donkey ba . . . (I can't finish that sentence, my parents read this blog.)  I'm usually not one to wish away time and regret it later.  But I can't wait to close the books on the God-awful month that this has been.  Sheesh.  A root canal without novacaine would have been less painful.
• Next Friday I'm taking approximately 10 tween girls to a "Red Carpet" party for a special someone's birthday.  Hold me.  I'm scared.
• Party season begins in March.  Between March 3rd and May 5th, we have 10 parties scheduled.  At least 5 require heels.  I'll clearly need bunion surgery by May.  Or start flip, flop season early.  Hear that, Sellabit Mum?  You know you wanna.
• Speaking of which, I have really big bones off of my big toes.  They look like little golf balls under my skin.  I had no idea that wasn't normal until someone pointed at my feet and said "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET?"
• The other day in spinning class I overheard a man say, "I told my wife if she gets pregnant again, there will be hell to pay."  Because YOU have nothing to do with that, do you Chief?  Classy.
• And last, but not least, here's some eye candy from Pinterest.  Nope, I don't get excited by pictures of hot celebrities.  I get excited by signs.  #issues

 

 imgfave - amazing and inspiring images (clipped to polyvore.com)

That's in honor of my High Road post from Tuesday.  

Happy Weekend, my friends.  

 

Songs that Suck - the Candy Shop

Songs that Suck is back!  It's a long one.  Bear with me, I'm ticked.

Thanks to a very good spinning class from last week, I remembered this gem from 2005.

One of my spinning instructors sometimes gets crap for playing songs that use the word fuck.  I think we all know that is no problem at all for the Literal Mom. 

She also likes rap, and I'm right there with her.  Word, yo.

Except I occasionally draw the line.  And this one, Candy Shop by 50 Cent is horrific.  It's jaw droppingly awful.  

Not for me.  Or adults who've been around the block a few times.  Just listen to the song and picture your 12-18 year old son or daughter listening to it.

50 Cent - Candy Shop

Here are the lyrics for all of you dirty birdies who aren't going to watch the YouTube link (though I must stress, the video, cadence and beat make this one extra dirty in a way the lyrics alone won't convey):

"Candy Shop"

Yeah...
Uh huh
So seductive

[Chorus: 50 Cent & Olivia]
[50 Cent]
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)
[Olivia]
I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Verse 1: 50 Cent]
You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should i push up on it
Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle
I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor
Have your friends teasing you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm trying to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

[Chorus]

[Bridge: 50 Cent & Olivia]
Girl what we do (what we do)
And where we do (and where we do)
The things we do (things we do)
Are just between me and you (oh yeah)

[Verse 2: 50 Cent]
Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
Cause I ain't never put it down like this before
Soon as I come through the door she get to pulling on my zipper
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
As Long as she ain't stopping, homie I ain't stopping
Dripping wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip 'til every bubble in every bottle is gone

 

Ok, back to a PG rated blog.  (Ok, sometimes R when I'm in overshare mode).  

Does anyone else feel like they need to take a shower and wash the EWW off, or is that just me?

I don't know if I've ever listened to a song that makes me feel so icky when I picture my girls listening to it as teenagers.   

And lest you think it's "just one of those rap songs that doesn't go mainstream because it's too graphic," think again.  

Candy Shop became a number one hit on the Billboard Hot 100, was nominated for best rap song in 2006 at the Grammys, and was nominated for best male video on the MTV Music Awards.

In so many areas of life, I'm all for "to each his own" and I don't interfere.  You want to get all freaky with your man or woman, then go for it.  Just don't do it on my front lawn or simulate it during a song that is broadcasted over the airwaves and catapulted to number 1 status on the charts.  

Yes, I know.  I can choose not to buy music like this.  I can choose not to listen to it.  

And I do (unless I'm in spinning class and spend the class mentally writing why it's the worst song ever).  And to my lovely spinning instructor - this is not me complaining about you playing it - it's me thanking you for playing it so I can then share why I wish it was never recorded in the first place!  You keep doing your thing, girl.  I'll keep coming and being one of your adoring fans.  

Anyhoo.  Back to me not choosing this music.  I get Power of the wallet and all that.  But the bigger issue here is this:  no matter how I choose to exercise my wallet power, others are going to buy it.  And songs like this are glorified when they become a #1 hit.  They give rise to more songs like this being written.  

And kids are listening to these songs.  They're listening to every word.  Even if they don't understand them yet.  They are listening and internalizing.  

And the internalization with this one is (once again):

• gratuitous sex is welcomed
• women are objects
• life is about your next sexual conquest
• who cares about "saving yourself" for someone special - let's "get up on each other now" and not worry about things like reputation and self-esteem

And I hate it.  I hate to see the slow, invasive, insidious dark side of pop culture getting clsoer and closer to my girls.  

I just hope I'm arming them with the wherewithal to resist shit like this and people who emulate artists like this.  

What say you?  Am I over-reacting?  (I've been known to with songs, you know).

Ask Literal Mom - Brushing Teeth - Expert Advice

Dear Literal Mom:

I can't get my children to brush their teeth!  Well, I kind of can, but they never want me to "look" in there an see if they got it good enough.  And every time we go to the dentist, one or both of them has a new cavity.  

What should I do?  

Signed,

I don't deserve a "plaque" for this one!

Dear Plaque:

Don't despair.  I'm welcoming a guest today, sharing all kinds of great tips on tooth brushing for kids.  Her name is Beth Gaddis.  

Beth?

About the author:

Beth Gaddis was a mommy blogger and online news producer for The Tampa Tribune in Tampa, FL before becoming the Online Community Manager for Coast Dental, which operates more than 180 dental offices across the U.S.  Many of the topics she writes about for her company blog come straight from her own experiences.  Her own young kids inspired this entry about ways to end the bedtime battle over tooth brushing.

How to Get Your Kids to Brush Their Teeth

By Beth Gaddis @coastdental

Sometimes, it can be frustrating to be a parent.  It’s the end of the day, your kids are tired and it’s time to get ready for bed.  But when you tell them it’s time to brush their teeth, they clamp their jaws shut and shake their heads with that look that clearly says, “No way!” 

Don’t despair.  Whether your child is a wriggler, a screamer, or a stubborn I-will-not-brush-my-teeth-er, there are some time-proven ways to get your child to open up, brush their teeth and let you check them.

• Make it fun.  Brushing teeth was a battle in my house for months.  My 3-year-old absolutely hated having his teeth brushed and would refuse to open his mouth no matter what I tried.  Then my dentist gave me a simple piece of advice: call it something different.   Now we call brushing “getting the sugar bugs out.”  I’ll say, “Oh, I see a yellow one! Let’s get it out!” and my pre-schooler ends up laughing and opening wide while he looks into the mirror, trying to find more.  Now it’s a game to figure out what he’s had to eat that day and what color “sugar bugs” the food left behind.
• Sing silly songs.  My 6-year-old used to brush his teeth for, oh, about five seconds.  Then I started singing songs that he loved, changing the lyrics to silly words to keep him interested and engaged.  Now he’ll brush his teeth for as long as I’m singing, which I conveniently keep to the dentist-recommended two minutes!
• Brush and floss your own teeth in front of them.  
Kids learn a lot of their habits from watching you.  Sometimes, my kids and I have teeth brushing contests.  We’ll see who can brush their teeth for the longest period of time or have the biggest spits.  OK, that sounds gross.  But with two young boys, it can be a very powerful motivator!   
• One quick word about flossing: You should floss your child’s teeth as soon as two baby teeth touch each other.  Otherwise, bacteria and food can get caught between the teeth and cause cavities.  You can buy child-sized flossers at many supermarkets.
• Show them what they missed.  If your child is still refusing to brush, then try using a plaque-disclosing mouth rinse to show him all the bacteria and food particles in his mouth.  You can buy a rinse from your dentist or over the counter at many drug stores. Once your child can see the cavity-causing crud in his mouth, he may be more likely to pick up the toothbrush and get cleaning! 
• Give lots of positive reinforcement.  Some of my mommy friends use a sticker chart to help remind their kids to brush their teeth twice a day.  Others make it part of their kids’ daily tasks, just like making their beds or picking up toys, and the children are rewarded at the end of the week with a small prize or allowance. Others just make sure they give lots of compliments, saying “You did an excellent job cleaning the back of your teeth,” or “Good job scrubbing your tongue!  Your breath smells so fresh!”

I asked our followers on Facebook and Twitter to share their ideas, and they had a lot.  For more tips on how to get even young toddlers how to brush their teeth, you can check out my blog.   I also include ideas on what you can do to help your school-aged children who may be rushing out the door in the morning.  The skills you’re teaching your kids now will hopefully last them a lifetime.  Now that’s a reason to smile. 

 

What Lives Under the High Road - Clean Living Week 8

If you've been reading Literal Mom for any time now, you've probably figured out I want us all to take the High Road.  

With our kids.

With our loved ones.

With our friends.

With our relatives.

With our colleagues.

But if you're human, like me,  you may find that taking the High Road is sometimes harder than it looks.  

Sometimes you want to be mean, vicious, spiteful, nasty.  

Sometimes, when something hurts you, you want to lash out and attack whatever inflicted the hurt.  

Sometimes the last thing you want to do is smile, be gracious, and turn the other cheek.

Right?  

It's one of the reasons there's so much conflict in the world today.  We, all of us, sometimes do not choose the High Road.  

So today I'm sharing what lives under the High Road.  So the next time I want to scream in someone's face to back the EFF off we feel the pull to get off the High Road, we remember who we're joining underneath it.

Negative Nelly.

Doubting Thomas.

Angry Alice.

Back Stabbing Bart.

Two Faced Freda.

Manipulative Mag.

Passive Aggressive Paul.

Violent Vicki.

Aggressive Andy.

Martyr Matilda.

Hypocritical Henry.

Hypercritical Henrietta.

 

All of these people lurk under the High Road, encouraging us to step off and join them.

Become one with them.  Form a consortium against all of us trying to stay up there and not get sucked down.

It's hard sometimes, isn't it?  

I had more than one moment last week when I didn't want to take the High Road.  I wanted to be mean.  I wanted to make sure everyone knew how I felt about an issue (or three).  

Then I looked down there and saw everyone waiting for me, gleefully, hoping I'd join them.  

Because misery loves company, you know.

photo credit

But, for the most part, I think I persevered.  I had to hole up a bit.  I had to have a few lengthy, late night conversations with the Big Man.  I had an inspiring email conversation with a friend.  

And I talked through it with Lisa, who got her first taste of me when I'm a total mess wavering, uncertain and hesitant about something.

And that's why I'm sharing this story in my final clean living series:

 Sometimes clean living is about way more than clean eating.  Sometimes it's about emotions, and support systems, and focus, and being able to recognize when you're on the verge of making a big mistake, but being able to pull yourself back just in the nick of time.  

Clean food helps, but a clean lifestyle is about all of you, your spirit, your health, your emotions, and your beliefs.  

Nourishing our ENTIRE selves, not just with food, is a process.  Some weeks it goes great.  Some weeks it's hard.  But its importance can never be understated.  

Because I?  Don't want to live under the High Road with all of those Trolls I talked about today.  I want to be kind to myself.  And others too.

 

****************************************************************************************************

If you missed any of the series, you can catch up here:

Week One talked about doing a cleanse to get started (new cleanse group starts 2/20!).  Week Two talked about meditation.  Week Three talked about why I'm really learning to live a cleaner lifestyle.  Week Four shared my plan for going forward.  Week Five talked about that nasty little fellow,caffeine.  In week 6, I talked about the children and getting them to a clean(er) lifestyle.  Week 7 talked about meal planning.

I am proud to have partnered with Lisa for her 8 week coaching program. Part of our partnership includes a discounted fee.